Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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