At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
