why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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