During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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