even my farts smell like vagina
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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