You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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