Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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