Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
