I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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