we made out on top of his cat.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
