There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize