This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
