this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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