white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize