I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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