By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
