from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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