Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
