you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
