Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
