there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
