It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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