If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
