ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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