I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You ate ashes out of my bong
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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