are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
