dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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