My room smells like vodka and shame
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
