I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
