my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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