I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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