She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how does that bad decision feel?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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