Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
FUCK WHALES
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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