fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
