i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
