I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
