oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
