ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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