at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
