Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
