and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
