Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
