Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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