Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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