Who did Billy Mays play for?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
