does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
