So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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