i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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