When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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