Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
