I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
