Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
3 2 1 whiskey
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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