all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
