I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
