I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize