i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
