Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
