I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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