Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
