hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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