I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
