My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
