..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
