last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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