why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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