The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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