honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
